I have no words but I must speak
Sep. 11th, 2001 11:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bjornwildeMy feelings of today have been pendulum swing between numbness and grief.
I have spent the whole day hoping for new information. Reliable information. About the survivors, about any other attacks, and about Our Governments reactions. Or if any group has claimed responsiblity for todays attacks.
I have seen a pendulum swing of reaction from grief and shock to anger and damnation.
All I can feel, all I have felt this day is sympathy and grief. Sympathy for the families and friends who are waiting for final words of life or death. Sympathy for those that have learned of death and a shared hope when the word has been life. Grief for those who were victims.
In my mind's eye, three events of disaster have burned themselves. The first is the explosion of the Challenger in '86. The second is the image of the Marina District in SF after the '89 earthquake. The third is the fires that raged across the Oakland hills in '91. Now I know the image of the WTC first being pierced by two Airplanes and then collapsing on itself and NY.
But as the first three barely touched me on an emotional level, all I can think about is all those people. In my head I keep imagining being on the cell phone to Zoe because my airplane has been Hijacked and I want my last words to be for her. Or being buried in rubble but forcing myself to stay alive because I can't die before her. (Inside joke) Or being in the WTC trying my best to help who I can and get myself out because I can't die before her.
I just can't stop thinking of all those lives, all those people with families and friends and dreams and fears and tastes for a favorite food, just gone. Or of the people who had to sit on the planes for at least an hour in a hostile situation before they see their death coming right at them. I just can't get over that many people gone.
It seems so instantaneous. So little time and then gone.
I agree that we as a country need to do what we can to prevent this from happening again. To strike out and defend ourselves.
But I can not feel Anger and Damnation. All I can feel is the sorrow of that many lives gone. Yes they were Americans and many people die in numbers as large all over the world but it just hit me hard. Does this mean I am a hypocrite? That I value American lives more than I do any others? If so, fine. All I know is my heart.
I have spent the whole day hoping for new information. Reliable information. About the survivors, about any other attacks, and about Our Governments reactions. Or if any group has claimed responsiblity for todays attacks.
I have seen a pendulum swing of reaction from grief and shock to anger and damnation.
All I can feel, all I have felt this day is sympathy and grief. Sympathy for the families and friends who are waiting for final words of life or death. Sympathy for those that have learned of death and a shared hope when the word has been life. Grief for those who were victims.
In my mind's eye, three events of disaster have burned themselves. The first is the explosion of the Challenger in '86. The second is the image of the Marina District in SF after the '89 earthquake. The third is the fires that raged across the Oakland hills in '91. Now I know the image of the WTC first being pierced by two Airplanes and then collapsing on itself and NY.
But as the first three barely touched me on an emotional level, all I can think about is all those people. In my head I keep imagining being on the cell phone to Zoe because my airplane has been Hijacked and I want my last words to be for her. Or being buried in rubble but forcing myself to stay alive because I can't die before her. (Inside joke) Or being in the WTC trying my best to help who I can and get myself out because I can't die before her.
I just can't stop thinking of all those lives, all those people with families and friends and dreams and fears and tastes for a favorite food, just gone. Or of the people who had to sit on the planes for at least an hour in a hostile situation before they see their death coming right at them. I just can't get over that many people gone.
It seems so instantaneous. So little time and then gone.
I agree that we as a country need to do what we can to prevent this from happening again. To strike out and defend ourselves.
But I can not feel Anger and Damnation. All I can feel is the sorrow of that many lives gone. Yes they were Americans and many people die in numbers as large all over the world but it just hit me hard. Does this mean I am a hypocrite? That I value American lives more than I do any others? If so, fine. All I know is my heart.
