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Dec. 18th, 2018 01:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bjornwildeLately I have ben pushing myself to be more creative...no that's not quite right. I've been pushing myself to externalize my creativity. Writing what I think will be at least one novel, maybe two, is where it started. Then I got the bug and picked up drawing again, with less success than the writing, but I am noticing how much more happy it makes me, even if I am not a fan of the drawings I've been doing. I'll get there, I just have to keep going.
One thing I haven't quite learned yet, or maybe accepted is the better word, is that making things takes time. Thinking of them or daydreaming is effortless and I can usually do it while I'm doing other things, but to actually spend the time at the keyboard or with the stylus in hand? Ugg...barbaric.
I am in inherently lazy person, so I've learned to trick myself out of being lazy. Or made deals with myself; i.e. Future you will appreciate this so much.
I am wondering how much of my inherent laziness is fear or insecurity though. As I work, especially with the drawing, the more I've noticed lots of crap I need to unpack and how uncomfortable the idea of sitting and drawing makes me. And the thing is, I know drawing makes me happy. Sharing it on my Instagram makes me happy. Just like threading and playing online RPG makes me happy. But I just get in this insecure mindset and freeze and then don't produce. And then feel bad for not producing...and then...and then
Breaking that cycle is tough but worth it and I will keep trying. Someday I need to write up the story of how an asshole PE coach ruined drawing for me. Oh hey, I should use that as a means to draw more. Spiting that bully. = )
One thing I haven't quite learned yet, or maybe accepted is the better word, is that making things takes time. Thinking of them or daydreaming is effortless and I can usually do it while I'm doing other things, but to actually spend the time at the keyboard or with the stylus in hand? Ugg...barbaric.
I am in inherently lazy person, so I've learned to trick myself out of being lazy. Or made deals with myself; i.e. Future you will appreciate this so much.
I am wondering how much of my inherent laziness is fear or insecurity though. As I work, especially with the drawing, the more I've noticed lots of crap I need to unpack and how uncomfortable the idea of sitting and drawing makes me. And the thing is, I know drawing makes me happy. Sharing it on my Instagram makes me happy. Just like threading and playing online RPG makes me happy. But I just get in this insecure mindset and freeze and then don't produce. And then feel bad for not producing...and then...and then
Breaking that cycle is tough but worth it and I will keep trying. Someday I need to write up the story of how an asshole PE coach ruined drawing for me. Oh hey, I should use that as a means to draw more. Spiting that bully. = )
